“You’re mourning the loss of what you thought your life was going to be. Let it go. Things don’t always work out how you plan. That’s not necessarily bad. Things have a way of working out anyway.”Frasier Crane
I was the kid with the planner.
I still am.
If you knew me in high school, I was that kid walking the hallways with a big binder, a big textbook, and a tiny planner notebook stacked together, enwrapped in my arms.
My life had to be planned, structured, color-coded, categorized.
Every detail had to be accounted for, even the unknown factors.
I was an ambitious, over-achieving perfectionist who always knew the next step, the next phase in her life.
But I have found the complete opposite of me in this current phase of my life.
I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a void, and I look all around me and just see . . . nothing. No step, no way to go. No particular passion for anything.
Just a small dream or two.
And for the longest time, I’ve hated it. Hated the void, hated the mundane, hated the bleak color of it all. Hated the fact that I went from someone who always knew what she was doing next to someone who has remotely no idea what the next step is.
I was trying to look for some spectacular wildfire of passion, when really, all I needed to do was begin to see this void, this phase of my life as a blank slate.
It’s a time to start over, to re-forge myself and my passions and my dreams from the marble of the blank slate.
And with this mindset, I can finally let go of mourning what I thought my life was going to be, what my life was leading up to this point. Instead, I can take comfort in the fact that things will eventually work out for themselves.
I will end up where I need to be.
Until then, it’s only a matter of waiting, and starting to chip away at the blank slate to turn it into a new and beautiful creation.