An Ocean of Feelings

You may see an ocean.

But I see an ocean of feelings with the capability of being as calm as the beach on a sunny, cool morning and as tumultous as the thunderous storm in the middle of the choppy sea.

I see an ocean of feelings saturated with waves of memories stretching to break the surface but never doing anything more than rolling back on itself and slipping beneath the cool surface.

I see these waves break on the soft, cool sand and the sharp, wet rocks with a power equaled to the way my memories break on the sand and rocks of my feelings.

Can you separate waves from the ocean? Can you divide memories from feelings?

Because when my feelings bubble up to the surface, memories crash on the shore of my mind, constantly bombarding it witha force and power I can’t seem to handle.

When memories swirl around my brain like a whirlpool, feelings spring up in my heart, and I can’t seem to find which way is up, down, right, or left in the swirling sea in which I’m drowning.

You may see an ocean.

But I see an ocean of feelings with the capability of creating a perpetual storm in me, with only the calm eye of the hurricane to look forward to.

7 thoughts on “An Ocean of Feelings

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  1. Emotions are part of life. They range from high, to low and everywhere in between. The task is to keep ones self in control and at times is not easy. Just go with the flow, and talk to someone during the hard times. Life would be boring if every day was the same.

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  2. AMAZING! I’ve had many visits to that very ocean. Sometimes I laugh and sometimes it brings tears to my eyes, either way I’m grateful for the ocean.

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  3. Good, honest words, Kaylee. The most interesting thing to me is how you and I sat on those same rocks that day and very different experiences. My mind was in one place and yours was in another. Just like you said. I saw…and you saw…

    In fact, just yesterday I was essaying some ideas based on my experience that day. Something related to what I saw in the photo I posted of you and Hope. Something about the smallness and humility I feel beside the ocean, and about it being different when it’s a shared experience with a friend. And about how that is, perhaps, what life is after all (and maybe there’s something here, too, that relates to what you felt—about the need for friendship at least partly to help us quiet or weather those storms, to give us a willing and sensitive set of ears to hear us out?).

    Anyway, thanks for putting your ideas out there. Keep it up. I look forward to reading more.

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    1. Thank you, Jeremy! It is interesting how we were within feet of each other and drew inspiration from the very same thing. As I heard the raw power of the water hit the rocks and saw the waves spring up and then roll back underneath the surface, I also felt that smallness and humility, and then I just started thinking about our feelings and memories, and how sometimes we feel the exact same way when we seem to be drowning in them.

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      1. Yeah, yet another thing we all have in common. The feeling of being overwhelmed. That each of our own personal emotional struggles feel equally heavy when we’re “drowning.”

        I have thought a lot these past two years about how powerful imagination is to help us or to hurt us. That most (if not all?) of the difficulty comes from what we imagine will or will not happen if we do or do not do this or that thing. It’s amazing when I stop to think about it.

        It’s that same power that enables us to imagine the opposite if we are able to choose it. To imagine the good and beautiful possibilities while we also consider the bad.

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  4. Such wonderful depth of thought you have. Remember when your feelings and emotions collide (and they will especially this year when you are making big decisions regarding college and what you want to do), just remember that you have a family who loves you dearly and would do anything for you. Love,g-ma.

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